today’s not even a holiday and it still stings.
thanksgiving, christmas, and new years was all really hard to get through because y’know – it comes with so many memories from previous years.
but something about valentine’s day just stings a little bit more. now as a recent single person experiencing valentine’s day – it really sucks lol. i don’t think i’m at the stage where i’m ok with being single. i mean don’t get me wrong, i think singleness has its perks, for sure. there’s a lot of freedom that comes with it, and i’ve enjoyed it thus far but i think having recently been in a relationship, i miss that companionship. i really liked being in one despite all the ups and downs, fights and make ups, and all the mess that comes with it.
not that we did anything special during valentine’s day – but it’s during these times and during the holidays that everyone posts pictures with their SOs and being all cheesy. which, again, don’t get me wrong – i love all the cheese. it’s just hard not to think about him. i think my brain has wired itself to go on autopilot, and as i’m thinking about other things going on in my life, i find thoughts about him slowly creep in and i get frustrated, sad, and hopeful. all really contradicting thoughts tbh.
but honestly, i miss being in a relationship. i miss intimately living life with someone else. i miss loving someone so deeply and being loved just as much in return. whereas singleness is a gift, so is a relationship and idk i miss the beauty of being in a relationship – the beauty that comes from 2 very broken people striving towards grace, love, and compassion. but sigh, i’m finding it really hard to let go especially since i knew this wasn’t what we wanted but what we felt like was best. and this is why i want august to come sooner…faster. because maybe, just maybe i’ll be over it all by then.
but to end on a happy note – i’m glad that i have friends and family to hang out with this valentine’s season, blessed in fact. this year’s valentine’s is different, and that’s okay.