13 days

13 days until I walk across the stage only to close a chapter to begin another.

Months and days ago, I was excited – ready. Ready to leave, ready to move on, and ready to embark on this new and upcoming season of life. I was ready.

It was all bittersweet.

A tinge of happiness and excitement paired with a reminiscent sadness. I wasn’t ready to leave the place that had been “home” for the past 4 years, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to what was familiar and comfortable – to my friends and “family”. I wasn’t ready.

So here I am…13 days until I walk across the stage only to close a chapter to begin another, and the excitement is fading as the fear is creeping in.

I’m scared.

Scared that every lie and twisted thought I had once thought before would come true when I return back home to a place that’s familiar yet unfamiliar all at the same time. Scared of all the hardships that inevitably come with transition and change and scared to start all over again to find where I belong in a puzzle that I once fit in.

I feel vulnerable.

Like I’m being stripped away of everything I once knew only to be bare and naked in a world that was once a familiar place. No recollection of who I was before this downward spiraling cycle of self-worth and identity. So who am I? Who am I without the titles, the responsibilities, the roles? Vulnerable to change and falsehood, a blank slate is what describes this uneasy and terrifying feeling.

But I know.

I know that change is hard. I know that with transitions comes growth. I know that this will not be easy, but I know it will be worth it. I know there will be good that comes from this, and it will be okay because I know God’s got me. So I mustn’t let fear control me – I must let go. I must protect and guard myself against the attacks and the lies that are thrown at me and lean into who God is to remind myself of His constant and good truths.

So here I am…13 days until I walk across the stage only to close a chapter to begin another – ready for the challenges and the hardships that I may face in the upcoming year.

13 days

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