I love birthdays.
There’s something special about this one day where you can surround yourself with your friends and family. This one day where people allow you to be a little bit selfish. This one day where you can’t help but smile because your heart is happy and full.
But today was different. Maybe it’s because I’m growing up and I’m transitioning into this new life stage that it’s different – I don’t know. You see, in years’ past I always had a huge celebration – the kind of celebration that was exactly what was described above. Today…I celebrated with one of my best friends. It was great, don’t get me wrong, but it was really different from all my past birthdays. I tried so hard to convince myself today that this whole week was technically to ‘celebrate’ my birthday…my boyfriend came to town on Saturday, I’m meeting with my cousin on Thursday, and I’m going shopping this weekend. But at the end of the day, I guess today was the day that really mattered to me. It’s still my birthday, y’know? I know this may be a really trivial thing, birthdays and all, but this transition into adulthood has been really difficult for me, and no matter how many birthday wishes I received on Facebook, they’re not here, with me. Coming back home, I realize that I’m basically starting all over from scratch. Not really having any hometown friends left except a few, I have to develop new relationships, which is fine. Things are going great, don’t get me wrong! It’s just the unfortunate thing is that building a relationship with someone takes time, and it’s only been a couple of weeks. So even though I know I have people that love me, and I have friends, I still can’t help but feel this alone on my birthday. Sigh maybe this is just how it is when you get older…you still have to go to school, you still have to go to work, and you just celebrate with less people. No matter how I felt earlier today or how much I prepped myself for the emotions that were to come, at the end of the day….today was okay.
So here I am, the day is coming to an end, and though my house is filled with light, I feel dark and sad inside. And with about 30 minutes to go…
I loved birthdays.