I knew coming into this season of life would be full of transitions, hardships, and growth, but of course, you never know how difficult it really is until you get there.
Well, I’m there
and it’s just not fair, y’know? I knew long distance with my boyfriend would be hard, but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard. Not having his physical person here is hard, not being able to call him up and hang with him whenever we’re free is hard, not being able to run to him through my highs and lows is hard, not being able to be there physically for each other when we’re struggling is hard, not being able to experience certain things together is hard…and the list goes on.
While I know that living independently, being apart, and experiencing life on our own is good in its own sense, it’s still hard. It’s frustrating, really. I think mostly because I see all these couples around me – finding small groups together, celebrating little things together, experiencing these changes together, and my boyfriend is…thousands of miles away. It just sucks, and I’m angry that this is how it is for now and that there’s nothing I can do about it. I guess that’s just part of the transition, huh.
Part of why long-distance has been so hard for me is because as I’m transitioning in my life stage, my relationship is undergoing its own transition, and the two are so closely intertwined. If I’m struggling with one thing in life, it’s somehow projected onto my relationship and vice versa. Even this! All of this anger and confusion was projected towards my boyfriend while we were talking, and I was snarky which led us into a heated discussion about a touchy subject (oops).
I know this is just something that will pass over time, and I have to learn to be okay but for now…
it’s not fair.